The Breakup Coach

What does it mean when he drunk dials?

Dear BreakUp Coach,

My boyfriend and I broke up about 3 months ago when he decided that he "needed space" after being together for 3 years. He's called a few  times, usually every couple of weeks, just to say hi and see what I'm up to. Every time he calls I'm so happy to hear from him and talk to him, but when we hang up I feel sad and empty, especially since he never mentions anything about getting back together. Then the night before last he called at 1 AM, sounding like he might have been crying, and definitely like he had been drinking. He told me that he missed me and that he might have made a mistake breaking up with me. Now I feel all turned around. Is it possible that the alcohol gave him the courage to say what he's been wanting to all along, that he really wants to get back together? What can I do to help him tell me how he's really feeling?


Drunk-Dial Desiree


Dear Desiree,

I'm sorry that this experience has you feeling all turned around. Let me see if I can set you on a straighter path. Your EX-boyfriend (NOT your boyfriend--he lost that title when he broke up with you) decided that he didn't want to be with you anymore and that he was willing to potentially lose you forever in order to give himself space. Since then he has been calling you periodically, most likely when he's feeling bored or lonely, maybe to see if you're still available, and probably in order to get a "fix" for his ego and feel better about himself. Maybe he's just a tragically confused person who isn't aware of himself or his feelings.  In a moment of weakness (aka drunkenness) he feels scared and insecure and worries that "maybe he made a mistake", so he calls to tell you that. Let's say it's true--do you really want to be with a guy who needs to be drunk to admit how he really feels about the woman whom he was with for THREE YEARS? Ms. Des, when your ex is able to work up the nerve to call you completely sober and during normal waking hours to tell you (not hint, tell) that he made a mistake breaking up with a woman as wonderful as you are and wants you back, then you may consider entertaining that possibility. Until then, everything he does is just noise, and you need to treat it as such by ignoring it. And no matter what happens, you need to keep moving forward with your life by taking a new class or starting a new sport, starting or changing your exercise routine, and, most importantly, dating other men if you aren't already!

Here's to moving forward,

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