The Breakup Coach

Don't Believe the Get-Your-Ex-Back Hype

Many of us looking for help or advice about a breakup search for it online; that might be how you found this site in the first place. Unfortunately a lot of the "help" offered is a marketing scheme designed to prey on us when we're feeling vulnerable.

If you try Googling or doing a Twitter search for phrases like "breakup help" or "ex-boyfriend", here are some common results you'll get:

"Proven techniques to reverse your breakup for just $19.95!"

"Get your ex back in your arms in 5 easy steps!"

or my favorite:

"Dirty psychological tricks to get your ex-boyfriend back"

Terrific, sign me up! Using dirty tricks to try to get someone to fall back in love with me sounds like a great way to build a healthy relationship (you can't see me so you'll have to just picture me rolling my eyes). And of course I'm sure it's foolproof, because when do deception, manipulation and desperation NOT pay off in relationships, right?

So let's say I go to the site to find out more about this brilliant, amazing, can't-fail system, what then? Usually I get something that looks sort of like an advice site, but which basically is funneling me toward buying a downloadable eBook for somewhere between 11.99 and 29.95. In it I'll find some really "cutting-edge" strategies like playing it cool and making them jealous by flirting with other people. These original gems will be served up in a typo-filled document that looks like it took the author a couple of hours or so to write.

The fact that this kind of stuff populates the internet and clogs up the "breakup" search column on my Hootsuite speaks means that someone is buying this stuff, even though a) it's not particularly insightful or useful and b) even if it did work it would at best be a temporary fix that would backfire in the long run.

These pitches are kind of like offering to sell you a 75%-off coupon on a lifetime supply of cigarettes while you're trying to quit but are currently in major (but temporary) nicotine withdrawal. Just when you're having a major jones for those smokes, even though you know they aren't good for you, up pops this tantalizing offer to give you all the ciggies you'd ever want at a serious discount! Why not pony up a few bucks for it? The problem, as I've mentioned, is that even if the store accepts that coupon (which it almost definitely won't), you've just bought an express ticket to lung cancer, heart disease and premature wrinkles. Trying to trick your ex into taking you back won't give you lung cancer, but it sure is likely to give you some heartbreak and a few new worry lines.

It's an obvious truth but it  bears repeating: if your ex broke up with you, it was for a reason. If you broke up with them, it was also for a reason. Maybe, and this is a BIG maybe, in some cases, once in a while, there was a misunderstanding or conflict that the two of you might be able to resolve. But that stuff doesn't get fixed by using strategies or tricks; it requires communication, negotiation, and openness. And it almost always needs to start by giving each other some major space for each of you to sort your own heads and hearts out (which is why I recommend that you suspend all contact for 60 days.

In nearly all cases the solution is to take some space for yourself, learn from your experiences and mistakes, and move on. That's why I created completely free, personalized breakup coaching programs that provide daily support to help you do it.

It may hurt in the short run, so take care of yourself, get support from people who care about you. and try some of the completely free advice I offer here on this site. Just try to avoid the snake-oil internet salesman if you can and use those bucks to treat yourself to a pedicure instead--it'll do you more good!

You're so money and you don't even know it,

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